My secret depression

One things people don't know about me is that i have a depression problem, honestly and it hurts for me to admit it but i do.. sometimes it don't kick in but ...out of no where im SEVERLY DEPRESSED. I would say it all started when tra started dawging me out.. doing me wrong cheating, lying, and betraying me. Can you guys believe i go back with him LOL yea i know the boy that has put me through so much emotional abuse, damage to the heart, and so and so on the list goes and flows.. This boy told me to night its none of my biss. to know who num he gets. WHY THE UFUCK ARE YOU ASKING PEOPLE OFF OF MYSPACE FOR THEIR NUMBES wtf OBVIOUSLY you show interest in these broads and you wanna get ot know them if you wanna just ask them RANDOMLY for their shit. YALL I TOOK THIS BOY BACK AFTER HES SO MUCH SHIT TO ME... AND HE STILL TREATS ME LIKE SHIT.
in what ways has he changed:
He thinks hes GHETTO FABB now yall , lol he wanna talk to me like hes a GANGSTA when hes DEFF not.
Tra wants to DRESS, GO TO CLUBS, hang up on me because hes on the phone with other people, talk to all these broads because he claims thats all he hangs with, get piercings just to have the same FAB look as someone else ALREADY HAD. He goes to church alot (WHEN HE HATES CHURCH) come to find out the broad he was going with goes to that churhc so i already knew why he was fighting with me about him going to church. He wants to text everybody, delete calls in his phone, not spend no Time with me because supsdly he has a new OBSESSION WITH CHURCH, and he wants to DRINK, he kissed the other broad WTF how you love me been with me over a year then all of a sudden he wants to go and MAKE OUT AND GO WITH SOME ONE ELSE, obviously i wasn't doing anything right if he wants to do me like that.
i have changes as well.. hm.. lets list my flaws.
well i have gained a couple of pounds, i have aten a house and shaq full of snacks, i love to work because when im at work this boy don't have to kill me with all of the rudness that he speaks, i have an obsession with money, im insecure about my self, i am a bum i haven't shaved my arm pits but one time this whole entire summer, i dont shave my legs like that, i always sleep ALL DAY LONG, ihaven't focused on school at all, i havent really paid god that much attention like he deserves, i am very insecure about this relationship with tra.. i think he wants me to be his rebound when these other broads turn him down.. =[ im seriously bored right now lmao.. i ve be came a detective i can findo ut anything i wanna find out lol im very BLUNT and STRAIGHT UP now a days if i got a issue im never ashamed to say what my problem is, i ask ppl if they got a problem, im moody, i haven't spent anytime off to just think about me and how i can work on maturing , i dont like or dilike people, i have became netural about things =[ ...
But i have one thing i want tra to know and i dont know how hes going to read this :
Dear Travius, i know we have spent a great amount of our time loving and caring but also bitching and betryaing each other but i just want you to please stop doing me wrong please! you are hurting me can't you see you you wont stop will you. please , i just wish you respected my feelings. Nobody in my family likes you, because they hear and see how you treat me.. i just want my family to love you and respect you.. none of my friends can stand that im with you and i cant either but i keep staying around because i pray change with come, i believe that you will change, i believe you wil quit doing me like this trying to control me but when i want you to give me the same respect you ask for you wanna argue .. please boy you have broken me down.. i just wish i had someone to be there to pick me up and tell me that everything will be ok. Please tra quit..if you really think these girls are that important that you need closure everytime we get into an argument you need to quit waisting my time.. an let me move on out of respect to my heart. i love you very much.. i just want you to love me , respect me, care for me, in spire and mature with me. i love you very much..